bacon.

Prada. Yeah. Remember when I used to wear Atari shirts? Man I used to hate fashion. Albeit it still is a bit of a vapid form of career. It's not as vapid as I once thought. Especially considering, as one grow up, one realizes the restraints placed upon by society.

I understand the meaning behind hair dye, and scissors for clothes, and learning to sow, and buying what you want, and dressing ridiculously. That's basically the only bit of control you have over yourself. With the rest of the world coming in you're able to protect your heart and the rest of whatever else it is you are (if you're lacking a heart) by what you wear. Even though we always say we are not the clothes we wear and we are not our hair, we really are. Those that take a care and put a bit of art and admiration into the way they look basically say to the rest, that this is what I own and all that I am.

How pretentious of me yes? I know, I can feel one half of myself hating the other half, but it really is true. After dealing with bills and loans and school and work and traffic, and oil spills, all that we have left is our possessions and how we personalize them.

So I now understand the reasons why fashion exists. As a way to be who we are in a world most of us were shielded from as children.

"Jesus was Black...So was Cleopatra"

i do love gaga.

and i do love madonna.

with that said,

i will say this:

the problem i have with gaga i think is that she is getting credit for being completely original, while other artists that did it first get no credit at all. ie: bjork, grace jones, kylie minogue, la belle, etc etera, et cetera.

much like my problem with britney's rabid fan base who think she can do no wrong, i think the pop music scene has been so missing someone of true talent for so long the gaga monsters are literally turning into monsters protecting their master at any cost. it's loyalty at its best and something any pop star/ entertainer would crave. but my fear is with the fans, especially American fans when education and an appreciation of ones history seems to be very low on the list of priorities. (Hello Dekalb County)

So, I suppose my phrasing could be seen as a more complex: "Originality is Dead" but originality died once the wheel was invented. Re-invention will never die, and that is what keeps entertainment and this world fresh in our over-stimulated eyes.

and i think as long as people especially young homosexuals know that the current gay icons, borrow a lot of their form from artists that have come before, it will be good. the problem lies in people not knowing enough about their history, or the history of music/entertainment and culture to know what is truly original and what is re-invention (I just contradicted myself. I suppose I should have said what is a moment of true re-invention versus a forced re-hash of an old idea that presents itself as new.)

The moment of danger comes when the idea of re-invention is denied. When the subject itself claims complete originality. Apple is good at this, but, while their tech specs may not be as great as the Google Phone or the Palm Pre or whatnot, the reason they are so popular is their marketing still identifies the machine as nothing without a human. Because, even with all the technology in the world, humans still desire to be human. Apple computers are all about the interaction and the heart that its phones have, while the Google Phone and Droid phone ads are more about the tech and the machinery (especially the Droid phones- what with there not being a single human in any of the commercials, but the faceless dark arms and hands of a machine created after the zombie apocalypse maybe? Iunno)

As we've seen over the past year, Ms. Gaga's outfits have slowly crept back into the realm of human, her hair has become shorter, her face more pale and her expressions more human. And she's never been more popular.

And, of course there is nothing wrong with enjoying a fun pop song and some great outfits- just..."know your history."

viola

as it stands my eyelids fall
this tv more than a paycheck unfortunately
waits simple in front letting me feel a little bit of nothing
for a little while longer.
oh, numb feels good.

as is.

[I'm finally opening the mail from Hawken. Each day I get new mail and I'm always so nervous to see what's inside. It's nerve wrecking. What was the price paid for me going to an "elite private school"? That I didn't have enough money to pay for an "elite college" experience? Grants help out but grants run out as well. I think about my former classmates and what they must be doing and each morning I wake up...most mornings I wake up, in my head I think, "3 years to make something of myself", "2 years to make something of myself". My ten year school reunion is coming up, and I've yet to even start my own life.

I shouldn't be too hard on myself? That was a purposed question. I won't go into it, but I've done a lot these past few years and life happens, and it's not always how we'd like it to happen. We're all human and even when we move and think like a machine, even machines wear down. Year after year of shit and more shit and more moving and more starting wears anything down, and eventually you wear out and collapse or you just get so tired you don't feel like trying anymore.

And this is what goes through my head each time I have to open letters from Hawken, or see something about Emerson College or Chicago or Columbia College. Maybe I should see a therapist. But they cost money right? Yeah. Yeah they do. Okay three more pieces of Hawken mail. One is probably a bill. Yeah, it's a bill that I'm not opening addressed to my parents.

I'm just going to turn on Wendy Williams and focus on the pink and fluff for a minute and forget about the bills and the oil spill. Yes, I am going to just lighten the fuck up.

Two more pieces of mail.]

ok, fine, i will cut.

so, I am sending in an audition video for the Footloose(!) remake. I figured it can't hurt.

1.) I have rhythm
2.) I still look like I'm in high school sometimes
3.) I've got nothing to lose.

Number three seems incredibly important right now. I just finished another draft of The Manifesto and think I'll send it to the 1 in Ten screenplay competition. Though, to be honest, they screenplays that usually win are incredibly Camp or incredibly melodramatic so I don't know how I will fare.

But ever since I finally (I know, forgive me homos) Funny Girl for the first time, I now know why we love Barbara Streisand so much. She is...literally...like butter. She was born to play Fanny Brice. Fanny Brice was born to be portrayed by Barbara Streisand. Maybe I'll meet my Ziegfeld soon. Hello gorgeous indeed.

Ego, here I come!...I used an exclamation point. This must be serious.